During my next mid-life crisis, along with taking that pottery class and finally writing my memoirs, I need to add “become a teacher” to the list. That way, I could find out how they get those eyes in the back of their heads. I know this might lead to me buying more pairs of sunglasses, but I’m up for the challenge. I need that extra set of eyes about now; my toddler is officially toddling.
The Kid negotiates the room like a drunk baby who’s had one too many Cosmo’s* while I follow behind, supervising and making sure he doesn’t eat ALL the dog hair off of the floor. (For some babies I hear it’s a delicacy.) I get it. He’s just figured out how to walk, and since he can, why shouldn’t he? Legs are cool. Learning how to use them is even cooler. I’ve tried to explain to him that his mom’s legs are older and not as cool, but he won’t sit still long enough for me finish.
Gone are the days of being a sit-down mom rocking a tiny infant who simply wants to be cuddled. Gone are the days of placing the baby on the floor in front of me knowing that this is where he will stay. Now, if I place this 14-month-old baby on the floor, he is up in an instant and off to find the remote control so he can change our TiVo schedule. (I never did get to finish Oprah’s Master Class.) These days I’m a mom-on-the-go keeping her motoring toddler from toddling off into the sunset without her. Clearly, we have a busy schedule around here—walking and eating dog hair. Maybe I could convince him to at least sit while he decides which clump of dog hair to taste first?
It’s not easy. You see, I come from a family of sitters. We like to take time to sit and eat a meal, or sit and watch a movie, or sit and read a book, or sit and eat a meal. So, all of this walking around is a little strange to me. After the 11th time circling our living room, I always think there will be some sort of respite, but the phrase, “Do you want to sit down?” is as foreign to The Kid as asking me “Do you want to stop eating that cupcake?”
So for now, I believe I am doomed to a life of walking. Even though that extra set of eyes would help keep me sitting more, I need to stay within an arm’s length to help The Kid navigate the pitfalls of a walking life—at least that one step down into our living room.
Or until he can lay off the Cosmo’s.*
*Drink Responsibly by not letting your baby drink (before 5pm).